How to Break Your Own Heart: Senior Year Addition

1. Despise your single season.

Breakups are hard, but you know what’s worse? Watching your friends thrive in healthy relationships while you third wheel your own life.

Example: Picture a small-town girl in high school. Let’s call her Layla. Layla has been single most of her life, and senior year isn’t rewriting the script. Her best friend is treated like royalty by her boyfriend, who, fun fact, also happens to be Layla's little brother (yikes, poor girl). During group hangouts, Layla ends up behind the wheel, listening to her friends rave about their “boyfriend of the year” moments. She stays quiet, knowing she’ll spend the rest of the drive alone in the driver’s seat, her singleness louder than the music.  

2. Find yourself the first guy who has an interest in you. 

Here’s the funny thing about being single: when you’re over it, you’re OVER it. The most unconventional person could literally blink in your direction and suddenly it’s a love story, baby just say yes! You’re colorblind, and red flags turn green. Desperation is messy but also powerful. 

Example: Enter our friend Layla. Lonely, vulnerable, and ready to get delusional! Cue the first guy who shows her any interest. We’ll ignore the cheater allegations or lack of aspirations because he noticed her. Guys, I think it’s a match!  

3. Ignore your intuition. 

Intuition: your gut knows before you do. We’re excellent at ignoring our intuition, why? I don’t know, maybe getting what you want blinds you from what you really need. Maybe, red flags are less threatening under the light of hope.

Example: Let’s take our friend Layla, who's high on dopamine at the idea of being chosen. But… she's got this feeling.  It’s like a notification she keeps swiping away. She can’t name it, and honestly, does she really want to? So, she puts herself on “do not disturb” and rides the high of being chosen as long as she can

4. Start dating him and enjoy the honeymoon phase. 

Ah, the honeymoon phase. Everyone deserves an Emmy during this stage in a relationship. You’re getting all prettied up, keeping it witty and flirty for him. He’s full of charm and smiles for you. This phase is crucial, hold onto it for dear life, trust me. 

Example: Picture sweet, hopeful Layla. This guy is checking every box. Surprise flowers, dinner dates, and compliments that make her feel like the prettiest girl in the room. Her intuition is long gone; all she feels is the soreness of her cheeks from smiling so much. She’s all in, blindfold on and head over heels 

5. Put in more effort than he is willing to put in. 

Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase never lasts. Complacency kills. The Oscar-worthy performance dies with the flowers, and a missing person's report is out for the compliments. This, ladies, is when we start pulling the weight. Romanticize the bare minimum. Initiate every conversation. Make all the plans. 

Example: Layla’s intuition is rearing its ugly head. She’s been the one to initiate every conversation with her boyfriend. She asks him to hang out on weekends and what used to be an “of course” is now a “we’ll see what I have going on.” She’s panicking. What’s the solution to his lack of effort? Glad you asked: she’s got to pull the weight where he isn’t. Hey! He texted her back an hour earlier than usual, what a treat. 

6. Staying where you’re at is better than being single. 

When things get hard, I need you to remember when you were single. Being single is so much worse than the draining conversations, the self-doubt, and the quiet disappointment. If you’re really starting to doubt this relationship, ask your boyfriend! He’s totally going to get it. 

Example: A heaviness had been lying on Layla’s chest. She feels tired, unappreciated, and craves reassurance. She decided the best thing to do was bring her feelings up to her boyfriend. He’s instantly offended by what she’s saying. “What does being tired and insecure have anything to do with me?” She tells him she feels like she initiates every conversation and that he doesn’t really seem interested in her. He graciously reminds her that she has no idea what it’s like to be a college athlete juggling the off-season and ChatGPTing three essays before they’re due. He’s told her time and time before that he’s too “nonchalant” to show emotions. What an idiot she is! How could she forget! She must be the one with the problem; he’s got nothing to do with it. And hey, at least she’s not single…right?  

7. Believe everything he says about you. 

When you’ve been campaigning for a relationship, you’ll take criticism like it’s your lifeline. Especially when it’s coming from the guy you really don’t want to lose. No matter how blunt the comments are, you're going to take them like a champ. Harsh words? Bad day. Feeling dismissed? Girl, quit the drama. You’re insecure. You’re clingy. You’re overthinking too much. If this sounds like you, you are on the right track, trust me.  

Example: Layla’s been on a spiral recently. Her skin is breaking out, and she’s holding back tears at random parts of the day. She goes to the one person she desperately wants reassurance from. “Bro, you’re being way too much. You need to calm down and quit being dramatic. I don’t understand why you’d feel like that.” Thank you, boyfriend; this is exactly what Layla needs. She needs to realize that she IS the problem, not him. Accepting these words and moving on is the best thing for her. Otherwise, what’s the point of campaigning for a relationship if you don’t put in the work?  

8. Expect change. 

One of the best perks of a relationship like this one? The freedom of being delusional. Because nothing says “healthy relationship” like betting on potential! Girl, I need you to give him every excuse in the book! He’s not “emotionally unavailable,” he just doesn’t like talking about emotions. He’s not “cold,” he’s chill. Pro tip: never, and I mean never, tell your friends about this. They’ll knock you off cloud nine and smack you into a reality check. And why do the hard thing when you can do the easiest? 

Example: Layla’s in the thick of it. Deep in her feels and deeper in denial. Emotionally, she’s drained. She’s hoping for a future with this guy who's barely here for the present. The only emotion he shows is annoyance, because God forbid a girl get some reassurance. And the only work he’s putting in is sweeping her feelings under the rug with a broom and dustpan! But Layla is holding on to the delusion of his potential. He’s tired. He’s busy. He likes her; he just doesn’t understand what her problem is. Okay girl, we see that delusion! But does she? 

9. Ruin your prom night. 

The night every girl dreams about, senior prom. Hair and makeup are done, dress fits just right, everything is perfect. Their date is a dream, looking handsome and eager to take his lady out. Go ahead and take this idea and throw it in the bin. If you’re going to break your heart, you might as well do it in a pretty dress! 

Example: Like every girl, Layla had the prom fantasy down to a tee. She got the dress from “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” custom made. Hair and makeup, flawless. The night she’s dreamed of for months? Now filled with dread. The dress hangs looser than when she ordered it. Her date looks at her and says nothing; he barely looks at her at all. She walks into the ballroom and immediately feels like the ugliest girl there. The prom fantasy? Dead. She sits by her date watching everyone have fun while he sports bets on his phone and pays attention to anything but her. Reality hits her harder than Ben and Andie’s breakup. Except in this movie, there’s no love fern and no Matthew McConaughey chasing after her. Just a boy and an overdue reality check. Ouch!  

10. Muster up the courage to explain how you’re feeling. 

Because closure is cute, even if you’re the only one looking for it. You’ve been dreading it since step 5. The honeymoon phase feels like a fever dream. Your intuition is screaming “I TOLD YOU SO,” and now? You’ve got no choice but to face reality… this isn’t working. 

Example: Layla can’t stop replaying prom. Her loose dress, the silence, the way he didn’t look at her even once. She counts the number of compliments he gave her (zero in case you were curious). She swallows the knot in her throat and confronts what she’s been avoiding for weeks. She brings up how she feels and everything she’s been pushing back. Funny enough, this is his perfect escape route. “You know, I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and with soccer and all the important stuff I have going on, I feel like the Holy Spirit is telling me we shouldn’t be together…” Um, what? To twist the knife deeper, he won’t actually break up with her, just dances around his spiritual thoughts. She gives him an ultimatum. And just like that *snap* she's single again. Only now, she knows better. Reality hits her like a train. Why rush if this is the outcome? Layla thinks back from step 1 to right now and realizes she’s in the same place she was before. Except this time, she’s crying to her mom and feeling stupid for sticking around as long as she did. Why try to force love if it only leads you here? Is it her fault? No. No, it’s not; the fact of the matter is, that wasn’t love. That was Layla in search of love and settling for less. Maybe that’s the price to pay when in search of love. Sometimes, breaking your own heart allows it to one day be saved.  

Editor's Note: 

This may read as satire, but for a lot of girls, it’s their story, too. It took me months to realize that losing him was not a failure; it was proof that I needed to start choosing peace over potential. If you have ever felt like Layla, overthinking everything, begging for bare-minimum, and settling for less than you deserve, let this be your reminder: love can never be forced. True love brings peace and understanding, not questioning and force. Don’t settle for a love that makes you small. Real love is patient, real love is kind, and, most importantly, real love treats you like the prettiest girl in the room. It’s better to wait for love than to settle for something that sweeps you under the rug.